Am I Ready??

He add me in Facebook emm… i think around 3 months ago, after LM quarterly workshop. I found it weird coz it rarely happen to me and I’m just normal ordinary person during that time, nothing shine or special about me, no eye catching. He said he add me coz he see me in the quarterly workshop picture and some of my comment I made in other instructor Facebook page.

We start to get acquaintance emm… for the last 3 weeks, chatting here and there through Facebook. Number were exchange and the next thing happen we are chit chatting in Whatsapp!! From acquaintance we get closer. Some intimate conversation took place, I don’t want to rush by my heart seems not stoppable. Many reason for me not to rush, 1st, is will be long distance relationship, and 2nd we never meet each other yet, just picture from Facebook. Sweet nickname start to come out, he call me baby, and I call him dear….. haha.. never thought I would have this chance heh… One more.. he is pretty much elder than me, that would not be a problem; nothing to rant about, perhaps I need a mature man to tame me! Using whip…. >.< why suddenly I think kinky?!!

Every minute and hour I’m anticipating his message, when I receive his message I feel happy, contented. Having somebody wish you good morning every morning and good night every night before go to sleep such a nice feeling.

Being big slut, (anybody disagree?), can I sustain no sex for a long period of time? Coz I can only meet up with him probably once every 2-3 weeks. Lucky for me, he is off on Saturday! Shall I able to handle this relationship?

I’m very good in sex, it’s time for me to learn how to love.

Does It Has to End Up with Sex?

I recently notice 1 of my weakness, when I fallen to some one, I feel weak, no energy. The recent incident made me cannot concentrate in my pump class. I can't complete chest track with 7.5kg for god sake!!! >.<

I tried to abandon the feeling, I really dont like it! Just as I try my very best to forget him last night after gym; he called. He hit me to meet up or go his place, I tried to ignore by saying I'm very tired wanna rest etc etc. We then exchange few messages. He then ask again. My reply, go his place after I had my dinner.

How we wrap up the night? Sex of course! Is kinda unusual coz we were chatting, giggling.. Hahaha... I overnight at his place, next morning I wear his clothes and pants to work... So sweet and romantic kan? Don't jealous!! Hehehehe..

Let's Start From the Very Beginning...

First saw him in gym when I just join... Just exchange glances. He don't do GX, workout at free weight area and do dance class. Donno what his name.

Around 1 year after, we are commenting a friend post in fb. But I donno was him, just simply commenting. Add him, but no confirmation.

Another year gone by, until recently; message a guy in Grindr, to my surprise, it was him! He remind me of event number 2, then I remember who he is. We practically flirt to each other in Grindr like everybody did. Thus got confirmation in fb.

He is a professional pianist!

Recently from fb, got to know he broke up with his bf. Last weekend date him out watch Burlesque (motif kan??), I already watched before actually. We then had lunch at A&W, coz he likes it. Also my first time eat A&W.

Just now, date him watch concert in KLCC MPO.

Next, I donno....

One After Another

Recently had an experience exactly describe by this song.

一个又一个 排队等缘分
前面丢后面捡
捡到的变恋人 丢的变路人
一个就一个 手空着就开车
寂寞就先晾着 坚强是种天份
直到更好的下一个
走了一个忘了一个
才懂眼泪对自己最残忍
笑着不会不舍得
来了一个爱了一个
确定感觉是真的
只要确定感觉是真的
怕了就当作是伤多一刻
这一个或许是对的人

 

If one fine day I give up on you

If one fine day I give up on you,
It is not I do not love you anymore, but it is because you not appreciate me

If one fine day i give up on you,
Please don't suspect that I falling in love with another person
It is because I feel that you don't appreciate me

leaving you is not my will,
I don't want to use "give up" as a threat
Because I don’t simply use that word, because I loved
If the day comes when I choose to leave, sorry to say that I'm not looking for your persuasion to ask me to stay
It is because my heart is really die towards you
Some people always after they lost something, then only realise how beautiful it was

Before i decide to leave you, I've given you many chances
But if you indulgence the chances that i given to you,
one day, I'll walk out.
Although I'll hurt and feel heartache, I understand myself
Once love a person, will be whole heartedly
but once i decide to shut my heart, I'll only cry once in my heart
then choose to forget

Don't think that if there is no third person, issue about relationship will be easily be resolved
There is no such concept in my life dictionary

If i choose to give up and leave, then i will not turn back
Am i important in you life?
Do you even care about me?
Do you seriously read all the messages that I send to you?
Do you think about how I feel when you not pick up my call?
Do know how empty I felt whenever I anticipate your message but at the end not get any?

If one day I give up on you, will you once in a while think about me?
Those days when we were together?

Mixing Signals

Recently I’ve always get mixing signals from Who-Must-Not-be-Named. He notice my absence from gym over the weekend. On Monday, when I walk into gym; when he saw me from afar, he greet me with a very happy face and ask me was I back to Melaka.

On the recent incident, I ask him do me a favour by asking him to help me to buy car battery. I sms him.

Me: Hey, need your help, can you do me a favour?

Him: Yes, what favour you need? =)

Me: is your house near by car workshop or you’ll pass by on your way to gym?     Need you to help me to buy car battery. Keep the receipt. Let me know if you cannot get it. Thanks a lot!

Him: Not near but I can get for you if you want. what kin of car battery is that ar?

Me: Normal car battery lor, dry battery, 12 V

Him: The square box 1 right? your budget around how much? I go get for you now.

Me: If it’s not convenience never mind. You need good rest. No limit, can claim to my customer. Thanks!

Him: No worries, I get for you. So later pass to you at the gym right?

Me: Yup. Thanks a lot

I’m not sure where was he when we exchange sms-es but 10-15 mins later, he called me (yes we exchange number, he request my number few weeks back) to confirm is the battery he get is what I want; and I know he was at the car workshop by the background noise.

 

I’m very touch when he just reply my sms “I go get for you now” lorr…

I’ve been asking few friends on this, according to them, one will only willing to help someone on immediate manner if he interested to that person.

what you guys think?

For the Broken Heart

Dedicated to the broken heart.........

你也不必牵强再说爱我
反正我的灵魂已片片凋落
慢慢的拼凑慢慢的拼凑
拼凑成一个完全不属於真正的我

You doesn't need go force yourself to say "I love you" once more
My soul has been withered and fallen piece by piece anyway
Slowly put them together pieces by pieces
Those pieces that assembled together not belongs to the complete genuine me



搭一班最早的列车
用最温柔的速度离开你身边
在我没有后悔以前
当你的美梦正甜
我已带着破碎的心情走远

Catch the earliest train
Leaving you with the most gentle speed
Before I have not regretted
When you still in sweet dream
I already brought along my shredded broken heart travel far far away


And the best

與其讓你在我懷中枯萎
寧願你犯錯後悔
讓你飛向夢中的世界
留我獨自傷悲
與其讓你在我愛中憔悴
寧願你受傷流淚
莫非要你嘗盡了苦悲
才懂真情可貴

The More You Resist, the More It Persist

Just about I'm thinking to keep a distant with my gym instructor, strange thing happen. Well I kinda fancy this gym class instructor (i think someone among us know who am I talking about), so in order to play safe so that nothing would happen, I've decided to keep a distant with him or at least not do something that will make him know me well or via versa.

But it doesn't turn out the way I want! Sigh.... He keep on shouting my name in his class, upon so many people; why he likes to shout out my name leii, like in yesterday Body Pump class, during half of the class, I go out to top up my water; just as I step in the studio, he say "come on Paul, I'll wait for you". On mic mind you!! I was so embarrassed!

And this morning, he talk to me in locker room just before RPM class. In topless! I was trying very hard to keep my eye sight above his neck area and not to stare at his chest! He ask which gym I joined before this 1, and bla bla bla and so on and so on.

In RPM class, I decided to take the bike close to the door, so that after the class, I can quickly leave and not to have eye contact with him. Just at the beginnig of the class, I keep on looking outside the window; he then say to me in mic "hey Paul, why you looking out there, come look at me in front here"....... I'm so malu lorr..... -_-". After the class finish, I quickly leave the RPM studio, again he call up my name in mic and flash a gazillion volt of smile at me and thanks for attending his class.........addooiiiiii........

After RPM class, I straight to locker room to change for his next Body Pump class. Naturally he'll need to change as well. He then had a small talk with me, asking about this new RPM and Body Pump release; again, he in topless, this time body covered with sweat!.....haiyohh....luckily my body in tired so no mood to think of something naughty.

No need to mention, in Body Pump class; my name come out few time.

After Body Pump class, I head to locker room and shower (and no he not joining me ok?!). After I came out from shower, bump with him again. This time I was just had towel wrap up my waist and we had a chat.

Instructor: So you hometown in Johor?
(I told him I'm from Johor in early morning before RPM class)
Me: Nope, from Melaka.
Instructor: ohh....so you work here.
Me: Yup.
Instructor: What's you work?
Me: Engineer
Instructor: ohh really, I just graduated from engineering
Me: oh ic
Instructor: how old are you
Me: i'm XX
Instructor: O_O.....you are XX years old?? I thought you are 25 or 26
Me: ( feel happy happy joy joy in heart)...hahaha...no lah....(and flash a big grin)
Instructor: I'm 22
Me: ohh (sweet lord!....he just 22!)
Instructor: so you coming to my combat class at 5?
Me: emm....don't think so...just rest for the rest of afternoon...
Instructor: hahaa...ok then...see you tomorrow! bye
Me: Bye!

Sigh......what should I do lehh? just keep thing go naturally or try not to get close with him?

曖昧

曖昧, I tried to find 1 English equivalent word in website to describe but fail, all return “vague” as the meaning, but it does not describe the true meaning of 曖昧. The best description would be two people in love who do not admit their feelings for one another. Usually we get this feeling at the early stage of our relationship. Sometime it can be fun and full of excitement, but how long can we bear this feeling? Until at a certain point of time, we need confirmation. But who gonna make the first step? That’s a million dollar question indeed. If we making the first move, can we accept being rejected? Sometime we not sure is the feeling are mutual, or we just syok sendiri? If we get the positive answer, your world is full of happy happy joy joy; if the answer is negative, would you able to accept it? What would be your feeling? Or you would rather wait the other party ask you? But how long you can wait?

曖昧讓人受盡委屈　找不到相愛的證據
何時該前進　何時該放棄
連擁抱都沒有勇氣

只能陪你到這裡　畢竟有些事不可以
超過了友情　還不到愛情
遠方就要下雨的風景
到底該不該哭泣　想太多，是我还是你
我很不服氣　也開始懷疑
眼前的人　是不是同一个真实的你

曖昧讓人變得貪心　
直到等待失去意義
無奈我和你　寫不出結局
放遺憾的美麗　停在這


Vague makes people suffer grievance, not able to find the evident of being love
When to proceed? When to give up?
Not even have the courage to hug
I can only accompany you until here,
Some matters might not surpass the friendship after all
Not even reach love yet, I saw there are rainy in the far distant
Should I cry?
Is me or you that think too much
I’m not convince and start to doubt
The person in front of me is the same real you
Vague makes people greedy
Until waiting become meaningless
There is no ending between us
Put the beauty of regret and stop here…

p/s not sure my translation correct or not….